it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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