She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
