i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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