Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
