the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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