Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My life is pants optional.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
