I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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