Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
