he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
