no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
