I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
