bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
