just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
