Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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