those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
