I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
