i just made my gag reflex go away.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
