I accidentally burped into my bong.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She's the barista slut.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
