halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
