I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
