I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
