You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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