i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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