There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
