Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
