he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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