I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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