ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
