You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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