You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
