I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
