I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
