Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
