can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
