You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
