Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
