Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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