I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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