You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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