You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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