You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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