Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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