I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
