3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
