Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
thus making me awesome and them whores
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
