sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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