I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
