I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
