if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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