I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
