I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
