I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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