I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
