never play flip cup with pint glasses
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
