The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
